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Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
If the temperature is 94°, yet it feels like 106°, then as far as I'm concerned, it's 106°...which explains my breaking all speed records in getting this ice cream home before it melts.
I paid $12.50 for movie tickets. Forget that the people are noisy, the popcorn and drinks are overpriced, and the movie itself stinks....I wanna know why there was no cartoon.
Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
A guy just busted down my door and claimed to be a Bounty Hunter. I said, "You won't take me alive!" He looked at me as if I had two heads, then stole my paper towels.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it's easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
The human soul weighs 1.3 lbs. I have no proof of this other than my friend who's an attorney saying that he weighed himself immediately before and after passing the Bar exam.