Wife came home from shopping, I asked her why she had to spend over £100 on makeup. She replied "It's so I can look pretty, why do you have to waste so much money on beer". I told her it was to make her look pretty. Had to sleep on the sofa that night.
-- People often offer me incentives to quit smoking such as ......"Think of all the money you'd save".........Surely that'd just be the money i'd need to survive my longer life ?...
- I got stopped by a woman in the street today.... She said, "Excuse me, sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?" I said, "Yes, she's nearly 2 now."........