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HiYourJon Funny Status Messages
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I'm proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don't want to hang out with you now... but I'm still very proud...
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06-09-2013 22:38 by
HiYourJon
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Pumped for the series finale of the U.S. government!
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09-29-2013 18:15 by
HiYourJon
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How to tie the strongest knot ever? Step 1: Put your headphones in your pocket. Step 2: Wait 1 minute.
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07-30-2013 09:31 by
HiYourJon
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Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Starbucks: 47 pictures.
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01-09-2014 16:48 by
HiYourJon
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When one door closes, another one opens. Then you're inside Walmart.
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08-15-2013 18:54 by
HiYourJon
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"No thanks, I'm vegetarian" is a fun thing to say when someone tries to hand you their baby.
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05-11-2013 20:57 by
HiYourJon
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THEY'RE over THERE worrying about THEIR grammar, while YOU'RE right here concerned with YOUR punctuation. YOU'RE welcome TO share this, TOO.
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05-31-2012 13:57 by
HiYourJon
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If I was The Bachelor we'd all play Mario Kart for 8 weeks, then I'd pick the one with the biggest boobs
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08-28-2013 08:35 by
HiYourJon
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Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
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01-03-2014 15:34 by
HiYourJon
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A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
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07-17-2013 15:56 by
HiYourJon
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Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I'd say I'm about 74% Rice Krispies.
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06-05-2013 18:48 by
hiyourjon
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I'm sorry, but since when did an unmarried minority couple naming their baby something stupid become news?
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06-21-2013 15:14 by
HiYourJon
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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.
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06-30-2013 15:51 by
HiYourJon
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Justin Bieber wants to take Paul Walkers place in the new Fast and Furious film. Why doesn't he take his place in the car accident instead?
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12-14-2013 20:40 by
HiYourJon
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very sad that fathers only get one day but sharks get a whole week
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06-16-2013 13:13 by
hiyourjon
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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
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08-28-2013 13:00 by
HiYourJon
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I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts "Batman" when he's drunk. I know I do.
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01-03-2014 15:32 by
HiYourJon
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at this point in our culture I'm very surprised there aren't people with nut allergies boycotting the peanuts movie
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11-09-2015 12:15 by
HiYourJon
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what idiot named it erectile dysfunction instead of ballzheimer's
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12-06-2013 14:13 by
HiYourJon
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If you missed the MTV awards, you can see it again by throwing yourself down a flight of stairs while chewing a light bulb.
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08-30-2013 13:49 by
HiYourJon
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