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Doc Noland Funny Status Messages
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I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
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10-12-2012 09:31 by
Doc Noland
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Alcohol does kill brain cells. As a kid I could name all the dinosaurs. Now I can name maybe three, and I'm not even sure armadillos count.
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10-23-2012 09:50 by
Doc Noland
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I feel like I should apologize to my shower drain.
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10-31-2011 19:53 by
Doc Noland
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The best thing about using exclamation marks is that no one knows how sad you are!!!
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06-12-2011 12:50 by
Doc Noland
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If I can make you laugh with a Facebook Status... Imagine what I could do if we met at a bar.
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06-14-2012 20:29 by
Doc Noland
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The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower was the way it covered it's eyes when it saw me.
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06-14-2012 20:50 by
Doc Noland
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The car seats in your Neon really accentuate your gangsta lean bro.
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04-20-2014 23:03 by
Doc Noland
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Once I get my paycheck I turn into Gollum from 'The Lord of the Rings'.
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03-02-2012 10:58 by
Doc Noland
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it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone's mouth while they are talking?
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10-02-2012 15:18 by
Doc Noland
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I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
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07-03-2011 21:23 by
Doc Noland
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People!! I have been watching the news the last few days. Now, I never took journalism class, but I'm petty sure "Don't Interview Traumatized Children" came right before "Learn To Spell".
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12-16-2012 09:12 by
Doc Noland
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2
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I bet most braille on public signs says: "How did you know this was here?"
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03-02-2012 10:59 by
Doc Noland
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I don't have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
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04-30-2014 18:23 by
Doc Noland
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You've gotta admit, cuddling with a giant panda would ALMOST be worth getting your face ripped off.
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01-18-2012 23:41 by
Doc Noland
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How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words.
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11-26-2012 19:58 by
Doc Noland
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if Da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20125215-00854.jpg"
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01-11-2013 12:23 by
Doc Noland
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V@gina jokes are not funny at all. Period.
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12-16-2011 14:20 by
Doc Noland
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Miley Cyrus eats Twerky for Thanksgiving..... (I am so sorry)
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11-25-2013 18:17 by
Doc Noland
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I've had six red bulls so of course I'm counting all the leaves on the trees as I drive past them.
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10-12-2012 09:33 by
Doc Noland
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In California, you can get a medical marijuana prescription for anxiety, insomnia, or wanting your Lean Cuisine to taste like real food.
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08-17-2011 18:09 by
Doc Noland
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