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I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn't know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again 
Americans can always be counted on to do the right thing after they have exhausted all other possibilities.
Why are there never any protests at events for Hillary or Bernie? Because those people have jobs and are at work.
I wonder what the person who discovered milk was doing with the cow...
Thumbs up if you still kicking it old skool without the timeline........
knows that your husband isn't realy taking tennis lessons on Sundays...
I can remember a time when we didn’t allow crazy people to be in charge of running things.
Buckwheat (of Little Rascals fame) has converted to Islam and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.
Broccoli: “I look like a tree.” Walnut: “I look like a brain.” Mushroom: “I look like an umbrella.” Banana: “Dude?! Change the topic!”
ⓘ ⓦⓐⓢ ⓑⓞⓡⓔⓓ, ⓢⓞ ⓘ ⓓⓔ©ⓘⓓⓔⓓ ⓣⓞ ⓟⓤⓣ ⓛⓔⓣⓣⓔⓡⓢ ⓘⓝⓢⓘⓓⓔ ⓑⓤⓑⓑⓛⓔⓢ.
wondering if i'm updating my facebook status now, then who is watching the hostages?
: Jesus says to John, "Come forth and I shall give you eternal life"....John came in fifth...He won a toaster.
I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend…until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a parking lot...
President Obama's approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.
a genius. I can talk and listen to myself at the same time!
On Sunday, don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour. And on Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years...VOTE!!!
Rihanna sings about how chains and whips excite her. I wonder if her ancestors felt the same way!
Growing old but never up
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
blowing stuff up with his mind.... 