KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Guy's Remember : While You're Sitting There All Day Playing Call Of Duty , Your Girl Is Calling Someone Else To Come And Do Your Duty .

   A doctor's 5 minutes is longer than a woman's 5 minutes, so if a female doctor tells you she'll back in be 5 minutes…you're screwed.

   Girl Logic: I'd like him a lot more if he ignored and liked me a little less.

   Look, I only want what's best for me.

   People who don't like bacon can never be trusted.

   Ghetto Word Of The Day: DELIGHT Usage: She gotta big ass but her face is trash so when we do it I gotta turnoff delight.

   My girlfriend went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her "b!tch refresher course".

   Last night I sprayed under my kitchen sink for roaches with this cheap Chinese-made insect killer. Not only did it leave them alive, they kept me up all night talking.

   If naps had a taste, I bet they'd be so delicious.

   You say alcohol abuse, I say this alcohol is getting exactly what it deserves.

   You can be an educated, intelligent, productive person and still smoke and enjoy pot.

   All of a sudden I love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.

   If you're crazy and you know it, shake your meds.

   When you're waiting for him in his T-shirt, it's cute. But when he's waiting for you in your T-shirt, it's time to start worrying.

   I just wrote "your" instead of "you're", now I have to knock out my teeth and live in a trailer.

   The difference between "INVOLVED" & "COMMITTED" is like an Egg & Bacon Breakfast, the chicken was INVOLVED and the pig was COMMITTED.

   Fellas: Don't build a new ship out of old wood. Upgrading your woman with plastic surgery doesn't change the fact that her genes are ugly.

   People disregard you when they don't want you, but they are quick to acknowledge you when they need your help.

   You without me is like a Tim Burton movie without Johnny Depp.

   I've been ignored by better.