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Page: 19 of 22
Looks at growing laundry piles *Deep sigh... Kids , we're nudists now
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02-27-2016 20:27 by
Snotty
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I just had a small salad with a side of carrots for lunch and now I know why women are so horrible to each other.
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02-27-2016 20:25 by
Snotty
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Apparently,,,, The first rule of Fight Club is to get caught looking at another woman.
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02-27-2016 20:20 by
Snotty
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I have the paper towel usage of a much wealthier man.
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02-27-2016 12:32 by
Snotty
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My phone is on its 4th charge for the day. So don't talk to me about commitment.
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02-27-2016 12:28 by
Snotty
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GERMAN. Scientist "I've created super broccoli to fight heart disease"... U.S. Scientist "I've created a way to stuff an oreo inside another oreo"
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02-27-2016 12:24 by
Snotty
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(1st day in heaven)... Me: Whoa, is that Elvis?... Angel: No, it's an impersonator... Me: Wow, is that... Angel: Listen man, all we got is impersonators
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02-27-2016 08:13 by
Snotty
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I don't need a thesaurus I know a lot of very very very good words
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02-27-2016 00:21 by
Snotty
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In China it's considered bad luck to be eaten by a lion.
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02-26-2016 23:16 by
Snotty
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I have alot of good personality traits,,,,, I just don't happen to have them on me at the moment.
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02-26-2016 23:14 by
Snotty
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[pees all over your front porch]..... YOU'RE MY WIFE NOW.
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02-26-2016 09:44 by
Snotty
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If I ever become senile,, I just want to be as oblivious as people who respond seriously to humorous rhetorical questions on FB.
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02-26-2016 09:27 by
Snotty
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A good way to handle when your kid asks, "Mom, what happens to me after I die?".. is to pull out a trombone and play "waa waaaa" in his face.
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02-26-2016 08:29 by
Snotty
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My kid sent me a text asking to buy him some decaf, certified organic coffee... I wished him good luck in life.. I'll miss him.
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02-26-2016 08:28 by
Snotty
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My performance with my wife last night was amazing. I lasted like 45 minutes!... Then I finally gave in and admitted she was right.
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02-20-2016 19:25 by
Snotty
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Reasons I check my voicemail... 1% to hear the message... 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
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02-20-2016 14:52 by
Snotty
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Animal Kingdom Fact: Cheetos are fastest land munchie
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02-19-2016 22:54 by
Snotty
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This stop sign has been red for half an hour.... I'm about to just go
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02-19-2016 22:52 by
Snotty
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INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS: 1) Know when to hold em... 2) Know when to fold em... 3) Know when to walk away... 4) Know when to run.
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02-19-2016 22:19 by
Snotty
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IF YOU'VE HAD CATS,,,,,,, THE SINGLES VIRUS MAY ALREADY BE INSIDE YOU.
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02-19-2016 22:16 by
Snotty
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