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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 19 of 33
Attention to all the homeless, it is a very bad time to ask me if I have any "spare change" when I'm pumping 4 dollar a gallon gas into my car.
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03-29-2012 07:14 by
flinnie
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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it's there to stab potential taco thieves.
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05-02-2013 06:22 by
flinnie
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The Camouflage Snuggie: the ideal gift for the military afficionado in your life who aspires to blend in with a couch.
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05-13-2012 08:26 by
flinnie
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Don't put all my eggs in one basket? Nice try, basket industry.
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12-27-2014 06:59 by
flinnie
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Remember before facebook when thoughts stayed in people’s heads?
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03-17-2014 06:55 by
flinnie
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I wear my heart on my sleeve and my lunch on the entire front part.
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11-28-2013 02:11 by
flinnie
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Every time I see a girl I went to college with, I ask her if we had sex and we laugh and laugh and laugh and then I welcome her to Walmart.
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09-21-2011 20:51 by
flinnie
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How do people lose their kids at the mall? Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated.
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06-16-2012 06:17 by
flinnie
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nothing makes you feel old like that girl your co-workers are ogling at was born when you graduated HS, and her mom babysat you as a kid!
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01-29-2011 16:49 by
flinnie
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When people ask me if I play "Draw Something," I take a piece of paper, "draw" the word "NO," and then hand it to them.
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07-27-2012 19:10 by
flinnie
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If I drove a UPS truck there's a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners
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09-01-2014 06:42 by
flinnie
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I wonder how many calories a women burns trying to avoid sex?
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10-26-2011 05:56 by
flinnie
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I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming "we're all gonna die!"
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11-10-2011 09:40 by
flinnie
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My personal style is best described as "didn't expect to have to get out of the car."
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04-17-2015 13:33 by
flinnie
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Please hold, your call is important to us. Not “hire more operators” important.. But like “if you need to hang up, that’s cool” important
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03-11-2014 05:28 by
flinnie
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Silence is golden. Unless you have a kid. Then, silence is just suspicious.
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11-23-2012 08:28 by
flinnie
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New Year's resolution: say "not on my watch" more (& often)
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12-20-2011 06:30 by
flinnie
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If you ever find yourself driving through a neighborhood and you smell bologna cooking on the grill, keep driving.
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02-20-2012 18:44 by
flinnie
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When people say “I'm not getting any younger!” I wonder what other basic life concepts they just figured out
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04-29-2011 06:03 by
flinnie
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Respect your elders. They made it through High School without Google or Wikipedia.
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05-06-2013 06:18 by
flinnie
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