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Ladies; If the first date is going really well you should probably bring up marriage so he knows you're serious about him. 
Getting some always leads to wanting more.
Stay in that position I just got a Facebook Notification.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
I'm the guy who would give a dying man a bottle of whiskey and some kind words. Knowing I'd get the whiskey back in a few minutes anyhow.
"We're so in Love." - People that I hope get hit by a bus.
I wonder if Sonic provides same sex benefits for those dudes in their commercials???
I'm so lazy I don't understand, I undersit.
Crap! Still here! Better schedule that colonoscopy,
Dont mistake my kindness for blindness.
How to be happy on social media- Ignore what you don't like!
I am always confused when I see a status message that isn't about me.
Friends: "I need a new profile picture." Me: "I need a new face."
"Here, spray this on the fuse box" - Ray Lewis to Superdome technician.
FB just set a record for most people online ever in the last 30 minutes!!
Oh Good, the Aaron Hernendez jokes from two years ago are back.
Thus far, I have seen no benefit to growing up.
People who drive slower up hills know how cars work,,, right?
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Sooooooooo.... Since the NSA isn't watching right now, I can say whatever I want.... right? 