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If women don't fool around, and men do fool around, who are the men fooling around with? 
You complement someone on her sexy adams apple and suddenly you are deleted and blocked.
Sean Connery's dog must get so confused when he yells for it to sit.
thinking the Vatican blew their chance at making an epic Harlem Shuffle video
I'm re-enacting Titanic today, I'm at the part where Jack is in his underwear on the couch eating Corn Flakes and watching Storage Wars.
Facebook: Making relationship's look better then they actually are since 2005
People who text back instantly. Keep it up, I like that shi t.
"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends".... if only all girls thought like the spice girls
- True fact about my friends: Friends are like boobs. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real and some are fake.
"Strike while the iron is hot" is pretty violent advice, but I guess if I'm hitting someone with an iron it might as well be hot.
Buddy of mine said, “you need to take the bull by the horns”….I told him that he should go first, and after they put the bull down for mauling him, I'd just take him with steak sauce….smarter not harder folks….
Mubarak to remain in office: " I will step down when the Cleaveland Cavaliers win a game"
Some things should not be abbreviated like Save The Dates (STD) or Future Mother in Law (FML)
I always feel a little guilty when I swallow my multi-vitamin with beer.
I didn't look so great today, but my simple hello with a smile made someone else feel really great.
6 family members had a birthday this month and thanks to Facebook I knew that this year.
Happy Easter Yolks!
As Commander in Chief Obama announced he had killed Bin Laden, his GOP rival for 2012 announced he had fired Hope Dworaczyk from 'Celebrity Apprentice'
Now that we found Osama, it's time to find Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and Elvis.
The best thing about this weather is the short skirts & low cut tops......... Even if they do make me look gay! 