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Page: 18 of 33
How do all these "as a busy mom" moms get time to record commercials?
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10-13-2011 09:06 by
flinnie
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Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders
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01-13-2014 05:50 by
flinnie
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"Porn stash" sounds too seedy. I prefer to call it my "Guybrary."
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09-09-2011 18:59 by
flinnie
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Do you ever start writing a status and halfway through you’re just like “nah”
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06-13-2014 05:36 by
flinnie
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Wanna ruin a girl's day? Respond to her next text with "Who is this?"
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02-22-2012 07:41 by
flinnie
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Whenever I drive past the psychic's empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
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06-24-2013 07:58 by
flinnie
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Whenever someone asks, "Can I be perfectly honest with you?" The answer should always be, "No."
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04-29-2012 06:14 by
flinnie
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Can't shake this headache. Perhaps the shaking isn't helping
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03-09-2012 08:25 by
flinnie
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When a woman asks for your opinion, they don't want to hear your opinion, they want to hear their opinion in a deeper voice.
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04-10-2012 09:11 by
flinnie
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Somebody needs to invent a way to punch another person in the throat via Internet.
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02-24-2012 08:12 by
flinnie
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I'm at that stage where I have the wardrobe of a skateboarder and the hairline of someone who yells at skateboarders.
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10-14-2011 20:00 by
flinnie
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Sometimes you have to ask yourself if you are doing the right thing. If you can see Gary Busey doing it, chances are you should not.
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11-09-2011 15:52 by
flinnie
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What is about public restrooms that make people go, "Yeah, I'm just not going to flush"
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08-30-2011 19:39 by
flinnie
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The one thing you don't read about Helen Keller is how everybody blamed farts on her.
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10-09-2011 06:07 by
flinnie
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I'm positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
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10-03-2012 06:27 by
flinnie
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Behind every great man there's a great woman who can take whatever he just said and turn it into a great big fight
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02-10-2012 05:10 by
flinnie
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If you say “Kanye” in the mirror three times, he appears, pushes you over and starts screaming his own name in the mirror.
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02-17-2014 05:22 by
flinnie
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When I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend who ditched me for his own imaginary friend.
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06-28-2012 07:10 by
flinnie
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I let the dog out. I do so about a dozen times a day. I see no need for a three and a half minute song about it.
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07-05-2012 11:37 by
flinnie
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You can tell a lot about a new neighbor by how they react when they find you hiding under their bed
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03-26-2012 13:21 by
flinnie
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