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it possible for an Asian to take a picture without making a peace sign? 
Don't say all guys are the same when it's just you who keeps falling for the same type of guys. The losers and the abusers.
Never laugh at your wife's choices. You are one of them !!
the Facebook redesign isn't nearly as bad as when Facebook redesigned all the hot girls from my high school into middle aged over weight fatties.
Wonders why so many people are freaking out as a result of the Facebook changes. This may be a good indicator that what you really need is a life.
There's "hell" in hello and there's "good" in goodbye... I don't know what that means but think about it.
When life seems to have turned it's back on you,stand up and kick it in the ass.
I love you so much that there's almost no chance I'd use you as a human shield against a Navy SEAL'S attack.
I asked a friend, "how's your wife?" He answered, "compared to who?"
I gotta get outta this funk, I've somehow lost my spunk. I'm not cheery, or happy, and I hate feeling crappy. Perhaps I should just get drunk!"
I love cornbread. Not as much as the woman next to me who has "CORNBREAD" tattooed on her arm... but I love it nonetheless.
I hate YHGTBFKM mornings. That's when you wake up, look at your alarm clock, and say "You have got to be f&$king kidding me".
The word “but” is a great way to let people know that the first part of your sentence was all a lie.
Being faithful to your boyfriend or girlfriend should be common sense. But there is always that one retard that did not get the memo.
I used to think that Bert & Ernie were gay men living together. Then I came to my senses and realized that no true gay man would have exceptionally bad hair, a hidious unibrow and wear those terrible clothes. Rock on B & E!
Some women get excited about nothing, and then marry him.
I'm devestated! My entire bank account has been wiped clean. Good thing I won that Nigerean lottery a couple of weeks ago!
ever notice they can gossip for 2 mins on the radio about the kardashians, but they only have 10 secs for the weather or traffic??
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
My car doubles in value when I fill my gas tank up. 