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A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. 
The government shut down because of spending money he dont have- thats called bankruptcy and foreclosure.
I just spent our "Halloween Candy" money on a couple of cases of Samuel Adams OctoberFest beer. I hope the trick-or-treaters are happy with some of the Sweet'N Low packets and Bounce Fabric Softener sheets that they are getting this year.
My posts offend you??... Well,, You're probably the same person that said cookie monster made your kid fat... Or Pluto wasn't a planet..
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they all have 300,500,192 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 10:29PM on 22/05/2003
I'm giving up picking my belly button for Lint
I just realized something. Rosie O'Donnell reminds me of a circus bear in a pantsuit.
.... Hmmmm .... I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
Today's Pet Peeve: Overachieving seat belts.
Ladies: Anything is a d ildo if you're brave enough
Johnny Manziel joins Cleveland Browns... is sacked three times trying to get off the stage....
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
I take great pride in the fact that I've never wasted time in playing stupid games like Candy Crush
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
Yesterday I went to see a shrink about my Facebook addiction, everything was going smoothly and I was on the road to recovery until he asked me, What's on your mind? Damn it
Come to think of it,,, I've never found a hair in my food at a Brazilian restaurant.
Friend: Do you want to go to a strip club? Me: Maybe. Do they have Wi-Fi?
In America, we will eventually have a President that used to play Pokemon as a child. Scary.
Of course I'm sorry about your problem. Just like the other 1,536 of your friends that keep reading about it. Trust me... we're ALL sorry for reading it!
Suicide is only illegal because dead people can't pay taxes. 