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Dating your Ex again is like buying your clothes back from Goodwill. There's a reason you got rid of it in the first place. 
Subway: Where women make sandwiches for men without complaining.
Pac-Man teaches us a valuable lesson Eat everything you can, and if anyone tries to stop you, eat them.
By the age of 60, the average black woman has spent 21900 days (3 years) scratching her weave.
Just once I'd like to wake up as eager to start the day as my p enis is.
don't go broke trying to look rich... act your 'wage'
Majority of Religious people have given religion a bad name.
Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs. His wife, Hillary got $8 million for hers. That’s $20 million for memories from two people who for eight years repeatedly testified under oath, that they couldn’t remember anything.
The most photographed red carpet in Hollywood is still Lindsay's.
I hate places like airports and stadiums that charge $5 for a water. If I wanted a $5 water, I'd buy a Bud Light.
Wants to have unprotected text
90% of men like to masturbate. The other 10% don't have arms.
Officially out of Liquor Stores within a 25km radius that don't Recognize me as soon as I walk in the door...
Zombie hunting, It't not just a sport, its survival!
And how does everyone feel about the cost of epipens and diabetes meds, Thanks Biden.. how you like me now?
I'm starting a cult, calling it Sheenism, you pretty much just get drunk and do whatever the hell you want, but you get a free What Would Charlie do Bracelet.
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist camp? The one carrying two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.
I grew 2 inches today. and yes thats exactly what youre thinking...
Craigs List: ROOMATE WANTED!! Recently vacated room needs some TLC (carpet shampooing, wall cleaning/patching, ect..) Muslim family of 13 looking for a clean, non smoking male that is preferably NOT on the FBI Most Wanted list.
My friend posted on Facebook saying, "Rhianna is the greatest artist evar <<<<3" For some reason she got annoyed when I said, "No way, Chris Brown beats Rhianna any day!" 