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Imagination is intelligence having fun. 
Technically all breakfasts are continental, unless you eat them in the ocean.
We get it, London, you're better at rioting than Vancouver, you can stop now.
My wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
I believe the children are our future... and after my last trip to Wal-Mart... I believe our future looks bleak...
The Oscars are over. From now on, any reference to "The King's Speech" should only reflect the things Charlie Sheen says.
Facebook should change the "Friends" section to "Friends & People I've Only Made Eye Contact With".
Jell-O: Doubling the global demand for supply of Vodka since 1923
... Dude, turn it down before your windows fall out.
looking forward to all of the job opeings after the rapture happens...
Only the brave men wear white underwear
having people over for dinner. They asked what they could bring, I said dinner,
I wish I was as dedicated to anything as much as I am to using movie lines in everyday conversation
60% of women carry condoms. The other 40% carry babies.
Superman's disguise sucks when I took my glasses off the police still knew it was me.
Remember, they're laughing with you, not at you. They're only pointing at you so you know who they're laughing with.
Don't you hate sitting in a chair after someone gets up and it feels like their a$$ must've been under a broiler?
people will hate you, rate you, break you, and shake you. how strong you stand is what makes you.
Remember on Saturday night to set you clocks back an hour and then on Tuesday, not to set the country back 50 years. .....
I asked the waitress if I could ask her a question about the menu, please. She said the men I please is none of your business. 