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I think I may have misunderstood my boss when she told me that she loved seeing me hard at work 
We fought wars so we wouldn't care about royal weddings.
Dear Moammar Gaddafi, Let Bin Laden be a message to you. If you do not stop, the United States will get you.......in 10 years...
4 out of 5 men prefer women with big asses. The 5th guy prefers the other 4 guys
Do NOT lower your standards to "keep" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power.
thinking about starting a group called "Just let me put the head in". Who wants to become a fan?
Happy Birthday to YOU, Google. May this be the year you find what you've been searching for......
How much horsepower does your horse have?
All this talk about the Royal baby is bringing back bad memories for me. Last time I was third in line for the throne I shat myself in Pizza Hut....
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
got a free iPad and iPhone today. It's like this gun is magic.
Why do men think women are so complicated ?? All you have to do is give us chocolate, tell us we're pretty, and assume everything we say is right
I downloaded the sound of a toilet flushing and made it my ex's ringtone to remind me what a piece of s@#T he is.
Ladies, that "gangsta" face you make in your Facebook pictures isn't cute. You look like you're trying to smell your upper lip.
Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never have an erection.
So October is Breast Cancer Awareness month... Please take a pic of your boobs in your favorite bra and post them on my page titled "Save These!" Thank you in advance for showing your support ;)
I like sleeping with deaf women because I can shout out any name I want to.
Nice guys let her finish first, twice.
There is no biblical evidence that Jesus even knew how to parallel park. Letting him take the wheel seems a bit irresponsible.
Neil Armstrong was the first "Human Being" to step foot on the moon. Did you know that Neil A. backwards spells "Alien" 