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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 16 of 33
Don't tell secrets near a grape vine.
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09-11-2012 06:27 by
flinnie
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Tried to make a list of goals today, but it got kind of sad after the first 12 all ended with "and then get some Dairy Queen."
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09-10-2012 06:22 by
flinnie
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I invented an app that detects your proximity to an obstacle as you walk and text, then takes your pic on impact and posts to Instagram.
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09-09-2012 09:10 by
flinnie
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I sing in the shower. I think I sound pretty good. The other people in the gym don't agree
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09-06-2012 17:14 by
flinnie
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Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
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09-06-2012 10:20 by
flinnie
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I never root for a mime or a guy with a chain wallet to walk it across the street successfully.
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09-06-2012 10:06 by
flinnie
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Fun idea: empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Freaks out snooping house guests.
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09-03-2012 07:45 by
flinnie
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When the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm going to blast Michael Jackson's "Thriller", while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
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09-02-2012 07:26 by
flinnie
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If I ever put stuff in storage I'm going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
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08-28-2012 06:22 by
flinnie
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Hurt my back while sleeping last night in case you're wondering how I'd do running a marathon.
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08-28-2012 06:18 by
flinnie
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Somebody needs to invent an alarm clock that releases the smell of bacon.
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08-23-2012 06:24 by
flinnie
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For those of you who don't know me, we haven't met yet.
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08-22-2012 10:44 by
flinnie
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I wonder if that guy that got "mind strangled" on the Death Star ever reported Darth Vader to HR.
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08-22-2012 10:38 by
flinnie
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When he was my age, my father had three kids, owned two businesses and a house. I can't even pull that off in 'The Sims'.
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08-17-2012 07:18 by
flinnie
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Hoping it's gonna be the kind of day when I take a book out a bookcase and it's a lever that revolves into a secret room.
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08-16-2012 06:57 by
flinnie
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I feel bad that God made you so stupid, but no, I'm not doing extra work to keep you from looking bad.
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08-14-2012 05:29 by
flinnie
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I once met a guy who wrecked himself. He was always bummed he hadn't checked himself first. So sad.
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08-14-2012 05:25 by
flinnie
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I wish I loved anything as much as people in yogurt commercials love eating yogurt.
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08-10-2012 08:50 by
flinnie
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Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?" and whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"
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08-09-2012 10:01 by
flinnie
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The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
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08-09-2012 09:59 by
flinnie
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