joser Funny Status Messages

   F*ck the real world,let's all just be pirates!

   I made eye contact with someone in traffic and then didn't let them merge. I feel like a James Bond villain.

   What I meant to text: 'sweety pie'. What I actually texted: 'sweaty pig'. Proofreading: it can save relationships.

   Arguing about Facebook is so Myspace.

   sometimes I find hope at the bottom of a bottle of vodka.

   Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

   infinity to the left or the right?

   I'm about to conquer a mountain of BBQ meat so epic that my utensils are a beach towel, safety goggles, and police tape.

   I wonder if gay people ever say things like "Oh my god that is SO straight."

   Attention all joined-at-the-hip couples: "Inseparable" and "Insufferable" sound alike for a reason.

   After doing some research, It turns out that not EVERYBODY was kung-fu fighting. It was just this one guy

   I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..

   After 2 years I finally found the back piece to one of my remotes. This means more to me than it probably should.

   ♫ If you're crazy and you know it take your pills! ♫

   Hiding peoples status' on your news feed is the best way of sayin f*ck you're annoying but I don't wanna delete you cuz you'll notice.

   If I had nothing left to complain about, I'd complain about that.

   Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.

   Don't worry... I'm a doctor on the Internet.

   every time Sarah Palin speaks, a moose dies...

   Mo money mo problems. Or so I've heard...