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Page: 16 of 33
Hey Amish person reading this: Busted!
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10-11-2011 10:21 by
flinnie
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When I watch "Footloose" all I can think is, "They allow dancing one town over. Just go there."
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10-11-2011 10:31 by
flinnie
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If these walls could talk, they'd say "OH GOD, This HURTS! Get these nails out of me! Why did you paint me Mauve? Make it stop!"
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10-12-2011 05:51 by
flinnie
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I encourage more people to become hipsters. Eventually, it will make them mainstream and the self loathing can truly begin.
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10-12-2011 15:16 by
flinnie
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A woman gave birth shortly after finishing the Chicago Marathon on Sunday. And that's why I don't run marathons
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10-13-2011 08:57 by
flinnie
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I really hope my death certificate doesn't read "Buried Alive".
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10-13-2011 08:57 by
flinnie
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How do all these "as a busy mom" moms get time to record commercials?
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10-13-2011 09:06 by
flinnie
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Most of the time, I'd RATHER talk to the hand.
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10-14-2011 05:54 by
flinnie
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If you're out somewhere and can't find your wife or girlfriend and you're ready to go, start talking to the hottest chick there. She'll find you immediately
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10-14-2011 05:56 by
flinnie
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As a parent, I appreciate how Sesame Street glosses over the Count killing and feeding upon other muppets to survive.
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10-14-2011 05:57 by
flinnie
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Celebrity Divorce is sad, but not as sad as non-celebrities who care about Celebrity Divorce.
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10-14-2011 05:57 by
flinnie
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I'm at that stage where I have the wardrobe of a skateboarder and the hairline of someone who yells at skateboarders.
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10-14-2011 20:00 by
flinnie
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Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend's diet coke. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
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10-15-2011 08:04 by
flinnie
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Hey, people who jog in place when you're at a red light. Calm down. We're already judging you. Don't give us more ammo
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10-15-2011 08:04 by
flinnie
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If there's anything better than yelling at squirrels, I'd sure like to know what it is.
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10-15-2011 08:04 by
flinnie
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If I was a cab driver, I'd whisper "I could have kept you" to passengers before they got out
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10-15-2011 08:48 by
flinnie
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There is probably a lot of ATM security camera footage of me rocking out.
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10-15-2011 08:48 by
flinnie
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My wife watches cooking shows constantly, I don't get it because her cooking isn't any better. I'm sure she feels the same way about me and porn.
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10-16-2011 06:08 by
flinnie
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They should let the guy who named a group of crows a "murder" name more stuff.
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10-16-2011 19:47 by
flinnie
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Autocorrect is like that person who just graduated college and think they know everything.
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10-17-2011 10:26 by
flinnie
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