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.... Naw ... Blinded by the light ... Revved up like a deuce ..... Another runner in the night .... Yup, Bet that cuts the odds a bit. 
Some people seem to read the Bible a lot as they get older. Maybe they think they're cramming for their finals.
Barack Obama will now use this convenient news of killing of Osama Bin Laden as his biggest selling point to the voters for the 2012 Presidential Election. "Under my watch, we took down Bin Laden..."
ooh lookie my mood ring is a beautiful shade of I dont give a crap
Some people sing to plants to help them grow. That's one reason I scream at the top of my lungs the entire time I mow.
Sometimes I like to press ‘2' for spanish….and scream, “LA MIGRA!!!! RUN FOR THE TUNNELS!!!!!”
Marriage tip: If you are sleeping in separate beds everynight its time to call it quits.
ice seems to be able to make even the most graceful of people turn into really bad break dancers.....
I always thought visiting Egypt would be fun. Now I hear it's a RIOT!!
Goodbye Mr Coffee. Hello Mr Southern Comfort.
If I could slow down real life , like the fights scenes on a fighting movie . I would punch people more often .
She was gone as fast as rum cake at an AA meeting!
I wanna buy dolphins and dress 'em in suits so that I can tell my accountant I bought 'em for business porpoises... and we would laugh and laugh.
If they ever invent a sensor for behind-your-back eye-rolls, I am so screwed.
all restaurants are drive-thru if you drive hard enough
If I were invisible the first thing I would do would be to beat the crap out of a mime. The people would love it!
I have been misled. Life is not a box of Chocolates. It's a tin of mixed nuts at best.
You may call it "alcohol abuse" but I've never heard the alcohol complaining.
A lot of people constantly complain about Monday's, Tuesday's and Wednesday's being the worst part of the week, I have discovered that with the right mix of Jack Daniels and sleeping pills those days no longer have to happen.
OCCUPATION: Bullsh*t Recognition Specialist. 