Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I want “Diet starts tomorrow” written on my tombstone.
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at that age where food makes me fat.
←Rate | 09-24-2019 15:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "buttcheeks" one word or should I spread them apart?
←Rate | 10-08-2019 17:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 01:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Yoda from Star Wars last name was “Layeehoo”.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 17:35 by Cicci Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..... The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze .....
←Rate | 08-06-2016 00:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon we need funny material not people who think they are funny
←Rate | 02-06-2014 18:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
←Rate | 01-23-2016 06:49 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see a animal stuck in a trap, free them. If you see a child crying, comfort them. If you see Kanye West crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!!!
←Rate | 04-12-2016 01:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
←Rate | 04-15-2016 05:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scotland's in the middle of a couple's breakup and trying to figure out who they're still supposed to be friends with.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 01:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really don't think it's right to support hate, violence and murder just because it suits your agenda.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Assuming one is against the police when they're against police brutality is like assuming one is anti-parent when they're against child abuse.
←Rate | 07-15-2016 00:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Skip the next 20 pages, nothing worth stealing.
←Rate | 07-17-2016 00:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For some reason the "Samsung Galaxy Note 7" has become the preferred phone of terrorists.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 11:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was wearing glasses before it was a Snapchat filter...I'm a trendsetter
←Rate | 05-07-2017 04:05 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Much as I like Guardians of the Galaxy, in real life, I don't think it's a good idea to give a gun to a raccoon.
←Rate | 05-29-2017 07:24 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do race horses really pee more than regular horses?
←Rate | 05-30-2017 07:28 Comments (2)  


   messageicon 'Flashdance' gave me unrealistic expectations about how hot welders would be
←Rate | 07-16-2017 20:17 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never come for me.
←Rate | 07-31-2017 17:46 Comments (0)  



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