BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Forgotten money found in jean pockets = the best.

   Bibles arent allowed in schools anymore but are encouraged in prisons. If kids were allowed to read it at school, they may not end up in pison.

   Girls: Save your games for family fun nights…..NOT Relationships!!

   0 = The amount of care about your Candy Crush progress.

   Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun.

   I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbour mowing the lawn. I figured he just have to mow aound me, I'm not moving.

   If two people are happy together... you leave them the fu&k alone.

   It’s almost August and I’ve accomplished nothing.

   Netflix is like meth for people who hate doing things

   This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China..

   Men and women have different ways of cleaning a toilet. Women use bleach and rinse twice.We man just pee on the poop stains as hard as we can..

   70% of Americans are on prescription drugs. If you find that number depressing, talk tou your doctor about Cymbalta.

   Whoever wants to kill anybody, should probably do so in Florida you will be free.

   "Mom I'm Pregnant" White Mom: "WE HAVE TO GET YOU ON 16 & PREGNANT!" Black Mom: " I Done Told Yo Fast Ass Sleepin Around , We Going To Maury"

   To my American friends 9/11 will never be forgotten. ... much like 7/11/95 to my countrymen in Bosnia...RiP to all 8.980 that lost their lives in Srebrenica massacer and may God be with their families

   Scenes from "The Exorcist" could have been filmed in my car while I'm stuck in traffic.

   Myspace: Died a couple of years ago. Facebook: In the hospital. Twitter: At the strip club throwing ones at the big booty hoes.

   I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life..

   I have a smart phone with a dumbass battery.

   DO NOT TEXT ME WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING I’m not trying to be the last unfinished message they find when your as% is wrapped around a tree.