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Page: 14 of 33
Some might debate whether waterboarding is torture, but we can all agree leaving burnt popcorn beeping in the office microwave IS torture.
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09-29-2011 07:17 by
flinnie
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I was gonna give change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU. So, I held onto it just in case he was right
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09-29-2011 07:21 by
flinnie
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I play this fun game with ladies called "just the tip," where I refuse to pay for anything other than the gratuity at dinner.
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09-29-2011 07:24 by
flinnie
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Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment
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09-29-2011 07:32 by
flinnie
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I guess more people saw the movie Casino than I thought. I always get strange looks when I recommend moving meetings to cornfields.
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09-29-2011 19:14 by
flinnie
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If I ever get arrested, my one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there
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09-30-2011 06:13 by
flinnie
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My predictive text dictionary doesn't have "tsunami", so if you ever get a text from me that says "trumang" start running
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09-30-2011 06:15 by
flinnie
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I saw a sign that said "Deaf Children Drive Carefully". I didn't know they drove at all.
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09-30-2011 06:17 by
flinnie
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One day nursing homes will be full of ex-Juggalos trying to remember what their tattoos mean.
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09-30-2011 11:35 by
flinnie
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Weird to think some people will have the word "cantaloupe" in their obituary.
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09-30-2011 11:35 by
flinnie
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Tomorrow is of course the start of what most rock stations call Rocktober.
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09-30-2011 11:36 by
flinnie
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Did you know slugs have four noses? I'm totally going to dutch-oven one tonight.
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10-01-2011 05:05 by
flinnie
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I wonder how much trial and error it took before the guy that invented "pull my finger" got it down to a science and stopped pooping his pants.
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10-01-2011 05:18 by
flinnie
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Yelling "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PULL UP YOUR PANTS!", just as your boss ends a teleconference is a fun prank but you can only do it once per job
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10-01-2011 05:20 by
flinnie
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The courthouse is a really great place to see people with neck tattoos wearing ties.
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10-01-2011 05:20 by
flinnie
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Some nights getting a 3-year-old to sleep feels a lot like trying to kill a Terminator
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10-01-2011 05:21 by
flinnie
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I look forward to having grandkids, so I can share my wisdom. Mostly wisdom about Angry Birds, Angry Birds Rio and Angry Birds Seasons.
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10-02-2011 11:27 by
flinnie
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I've just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn't need my assistance, so I'm going back to bed
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10-03-2011 06:12 by
flinnie
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I just told my kids that our dog died, when in reality he went off to live happily on a farm somewhere
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10-03-2011 06:13 by
flinnie
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Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills
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10-03-2011 06:15 by
flinnie
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