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Snotty Funny Status Messages
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Page: 13 of 22
If I'm ever on life support unplug me,, and then plug me back in again,, and see if that works.
104
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12-15-2012 19:57 by
snotty
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0
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No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
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09-24-2015 06:03 by
snotty
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Every neck tattoo should just say, 'I owe back child support.'
82
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06-23-2013 07:18 by
snotty
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We are so fortunate not to live in China,,, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
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03-26-2013 22:05 by
snotty
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If I die in my sleep, my programmable coffee-maker is still going to make a full pot in the morning.... Someone will appreciate that.
82
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03-30-2012 21:24 by
snotty
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Hey,, adorable couples who constantly profess your love for each other via my news feed,,, learn how to text.
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03-31-2012 06:19 by
snotty
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HEY,,, I remember when they had Child Protective Services when I was a kid... And her name was Grandma... Love you Gram !
82
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05-24-2012 12:00 by
snotty
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Guess what YouTube,,, I will ALWAYS,, “Skip this ad.”
153
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02-28-2012 11:23 by
snotty
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The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
153
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04-06-2012 20:44 by
snotty
Comments (
3
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My ceiling fan has three settings: -- very slow -- Medium ,, and --I'm about to fly off the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident
142
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04-28-2012 19:40 by
snotty
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I'm perfecting a new perfume called "Forever Alone".... It smells like Lean Cuisines and cats.
131
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10-25-2012 18:29 by
snotty
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Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation,, even if I'm not sure what it means
71
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07-17-2012 07:42 by
snotty
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Listen, I'm sorry... That reaction was WAY over the line.... I actually have no problem with the horse you rode in on....
71
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07-07-2012 20:20 by
snotty
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Starting to think this 30 minute documentary about the amazing Shark vacuum cleaner might be a commercial.
60
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03-27-2014 08:23 by
snotty
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MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog's pre-puke warning grunts.
60
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04-29-2014 16:46 by
snotty
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0
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I gave my 1yo a chocolate covered raisin. she chewed, paused, then gave me a look that told me she will never trust another human being again.
60
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03-15-2013 20:48 by
snotty
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I'd like to invite you to stop inviting me to like your page on facebook.
60
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07-31-2013 18:51 by
snotty
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I'm already an idiot, I just need a village
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04-23-2013 08:19 by
snotty
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It's not you.. It's me. And my inability to tolerate you any longer.
60
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07-26-2012 08:39 by
snotty
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I bet all the girls from other planets think the Miss Universe contest is rigged.
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04-01-2012 07:21 by
snotty
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