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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 13 of 33
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that's my stuff!"?
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03-06-2013 07:06 by
flinnie
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I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is "love," but it's actually "floor"
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03-05-2013 05:49 by
flinnie
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I hope to get to the point in my life where I'm not excited about finding change on the ground.
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03-05-2013 05:48 by
flinnie
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Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
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03-01-2013 06:10 by
flinnie
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Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside
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02-27-2013 06:11 by
flinnie
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Shouldn't somebody else blow out the candles when it's a fireman's birthday?
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02-24-2013 08:25 by
flinnie
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I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
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02-24-2013 07:56 by
flinnie
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Sometimes I think I'm too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop
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02-23-2013 11:43 by
flinnie
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The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
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02-19-2013 06:15 by
flinnie
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When someone looks over my shoulder while I'm on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
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02-19-2013 06:14 by
flinnie
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BREAKING NEWS: Harvard study reveals that's not what she said.
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02-09-2013 06:53 by
flinnie
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I need a volunteer to make sure when I die, my obituary reads: he laid down that boogie and played that funky music til he died.
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02-08-2013 06:24 by
flinnie
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Nothing says 'I dont take you seriously' like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
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01-26-2013 13:07 by
flinnie
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I'm completely indifferent when you call me big poppa
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01-25-2013 08:57 by
flinnie
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As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
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01-25-2013 08:52 by
flinnie
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I just won my 143rd straight dance off against that Walmart greeter.
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01-12-2013 08:31 by
flinnie
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Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
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01-10-2013 06:07 by
flinnie
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I can't express my level of disappointment when I'm scrolling and see "Robin Hood:" and it's "Prince of Thieves" and not "Men In Tights"
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01-07-2013 06:19 by
flinnie
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If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple 'Thank you.' is all I need! Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business!
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12-30-2012 08:22 by
flinnie
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This woman's so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she's not wearing a ring. Thanks hon, but wrong finger
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12-27-2012 07:28 by
flinnie
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