Joser Funny Status Messages

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Page: 13 of 41

   messageicon Judging by the lack of Fathers Day cards I received in the mail today, I'm guessing your m0m never told you.
←Rate | 06-20-2010 22:26 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon None of my illegitimate sons sent me a card today. B@stards.
←Rate | 06-20-2010 22:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.
←Rate | 06-20-2010 22:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon It must be a real self-esteem killer for a fat lady if the show always ends after she sings.
←Rate | 06-20-2010 22:05 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people say "have a nice day." Like I'm gonna be in anguish later then think "Oh yeah, Truck Driver guy told me to have a nice day."
←Rate | 06-18-2010 18:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think about it, "This was the greatest day of my life" is a very pessimistic statement.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 18:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bumper stickers I'd like to give out: I BRAKE FOR NO REASON / MY OTHER SIGNAL IS OFF / HONK IF YOU HATE WAITING AT GREEN LIGHTS
←Rate | 06-18-2010 18:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have accumulated considerable wealth which, along with my collection of firearms, makes me very attractive to women. (Every rap song)
←Rate | 06-18-2010 18:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really don't think baby steps is an effective way of getting somewhere. For one thing, they fall on their faces half the time.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 18:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to follow up a compliment with a threat. For example, "Nice shirt! I'll fight you for it."
←Rate | 06-17-2010 20:26 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Life, You have some explaining to do...
←Rate | 06-17-2010 18:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wave your hands in the air! Wave ‘em all around like you're relatively indifferent to the current situation in which you find yourself!
←Rate | 06-16-2010 21:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that the worst part about not being able to log into Facebook is not having a place to complain about not being able to get on Facebook.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 19:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine...
←Rate | 06-16-2010 19:12 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find my nose is always itchiest right before I scratch it.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 18:20 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Will work for salary and benefits with an annual cost of living increase but not on weekends, statutory holidays, or during 3-week vacation.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 18:19 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see Coke is once again running their popular "Look Under the Cap to Try Again" contest.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 18:19 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Google just returned 3,250,000,000 results for my search. Cancel my afternoon appointments.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 18:18 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a PETA add with several attractive women saying “I'd rather go naked than wear fur”. Please, no one tell them there's a third option.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 18:17 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look, all we have to do is put little pieces of paper with mystical-sounding gibberish on them inside these cookies -- we'll make a fortune!
←Rate | 06-16-2010 18:16 by Joser Comments (0)  



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