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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 13 of 33
Workin' hard or hardly saying anything original?
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09-21-2011 20:45 by
flinnie
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Every time I see a girl I went to college with, I ask her if we had sex and we laugh and laugh and laugh and then I welcome her to Walmart.
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09-21-2011 20:51 by
flinnie
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I don't remember if the toilet water was blue or not before I sat down, so there's a chance I'm magical.
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09-21-2011 20:51 by
flinnie
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Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
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09-23-2011 06:21 by
flinnie
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Lady in the commercial for the life alert necklace said she fell. Laid there for 8 hours til her friend came. Why didn't the cameraman help her up?
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09-23-2011 06:22 by
flinnie
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We all need to make a pact right now that there will be riots if Hollywood tries to remake The Goonies
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09-23-2011 06:24 by
flinnie
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I have to ask my wife where she wants to go for dinner at 1 pm so that the restaurant is still open once she finally makes a decision
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09-23-2011 06:27 by
flinnie
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Turns out saying "I'm just trying to be supportive" is not a good excuse for trying to hold a girl's boobs
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09-23-2011 06:28 by
flinnie
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I carry a diaper with me so I can hold it up and shout "excuse me, you dropped your adult diaper" when people cut in line.
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09-23-2011 10:50 by
flinnie
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According to the TV ads, using Crest whitening strips will make your teeth shiny enough to use as an illumination devices.
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09-24-2011 06:21 by
flinnie
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Gonna sleep like a baby tonight: with a bottle and wet pants.
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09-24-2011 06:22 by
flinnie
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Learn to spell, Auto Correct isn't always write
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09-26-2011 05:52 by
flinnie
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A concussion? A broken hand? There has to be a PETA member somewhere with a Mike Vick voodoo doll
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09-26-2011 05:58 by
flinnie
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People wearing neckbraces should wear a t-shirt explaining why.
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09-26-2011 05:58 by
flinnie
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When we set our clocks back, will that effect "Hammer Time"?
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09-26-2011 10:19 by
flinnie
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Phase one of my secret plan is to teach the squirrels to work as lookouts. Once that is in place, I order the balloons.
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09-27-2011 06:15 by
flinnie
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Now that we've seen Nancy Grace's nipple on Dancing with the Stars, the FCC should pay Janet Jackson back every dime
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09-28-2011 05:59 by
flinnie
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Sarcasm is not a way of speaking, it is a way of life.
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09-28-2011 06:00 by
flinnie
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Just got out of a speeding ticket by confessing to a murder I didn't commit.
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09-28-2011 06:00 by
flinnie
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When the homeless guy who lives in the dumpster asks you to subscribe to his podcast, don't, just trust me on this
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09-28-2011 16:06 by
flinnie
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