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Joser Funny Status Messages
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Page: 13 of 41
The 7 deadly sins? Um... male camel toe, spamming, paying by check, using ALL CAPS, bogarting, leaving the seat up
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05-06-2010 17:47 by
Joser
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2
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Job Application Tip: If asked "Have you ever been convicted of a crime?" the incorrect response is, "No, I pleaded insanity."
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05-06-2010 17:47 by
Joser
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"Keep this just between you and me" is a guarantee everyone will know by the end of the day
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05-06-2010 17:49 by
Joser
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From what I've heard, there are actaully people whose paychecks last all the way to the next paycheck! I know! I didn't believe it either.
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05-06-2010 17:49 by
Joser
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0
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I ate too much comfort food and now I'm a bean bag chair.
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05-06-2010 17:51 by
Joser
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0
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I'm waiting for the day Ziploc quits the pretentiousness with the sandwiches and just starts putting weed right on the box.
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05-06-2010 21:40 by
Joser
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0
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Just read an article about the stock market, and there were three things in it that I didn't quite understand: Every, single, word.
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05-06-2010 21:42 by
Joser
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0
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I'll give you an exact definition of "in love". When her bra and underwear match.
34
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05-06-2010 21:43 by
Joser
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0
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I'm no a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure "He started it," is a legit defense.
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05-07-2010 12:38 by
Joser
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Just once I'd like to attend a formal state function and hear the butler at the top of the stairs announce Lady and Sir Mixalot.
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05-07-2010 12:39 by
Joser
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I feel so bad for people who have $500,000,000. They can only call themselves millionaires, and yet they're still so far away from being billionaires.
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05-07-2010 12:39 by
Joser
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Every time I hear a strange noise at night, I mentally prepare to fight off an intruder. If it's a velociraptor, I'm also totally ready.
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05-07-2010 18:21 by
Joser
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0
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So I'm giving up drinking..Hard liquor..On Wednesdays..In June..Next year..(Maybe..)
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05-07-2010 19:10 by
Joser
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0
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I'm installing plywood doors in my house so I can karate chop them down like a badass when I enter each room.
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05-07-2010 19:10 by
Joser
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0
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I tried to flash an oncoming driver to warn him of a cop but I think it was too dark for him to see my A**
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05-10-2010 13:54 by
Joser
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0
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"Well done, son. I'm very appointed in you." "Appointed?" "Opposite of disappointed." "You mean proud?" "Let's not get carried away, kiddo."
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05-10-2010 13:55 by
Joser
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0
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Target is nothing more than Walmart in a tuxedo t-shirt.
49
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05-10-2010 13:56 by
Joser
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0
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Hearing your legs creaking as you get into the standing split pose in yoga class is a sure way of telling people that you havent been laid in a while
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05-10-2010 13:57 by
Joser
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0
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ME: So you're a drug dealer, huh? HER: It's called a pharmacist. ME: Oh, I get it. It's like how you can't say "bong" in a head shop, right?
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05-10-2010 13:58 by
Joser
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0
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I just saw a man disconnect his oxygen tank before he lit his cigarette. Safety first.
71
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05-10-2010 14:02 by
Joser
Comments (
1
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