snotty Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Driving isn't even in the top 5 things I'm thinking about when I'm driving.
←Rate | 10-04-2013 12:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon A boy was being mean to my 6 year old daughter yesterday, so she punched him in the eye... Was ice cream the correct punishment?
←Rate | 10-28-2013 18:17 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it's only lettuce :(
←Rate | 09-18-2013 17:26 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm ever on life support unplug me,, and then plug me back in again,, and see if that works.
←Rate | 12-15-2012 19:57 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
←Rate | 09-24-2015 06:03 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every neck tattoo should just say, 'I owe back child support.'
←Rate | 06-23-2013 07:18 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon We are so fortunate not to live in China,,, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
←Rate | 03-26-2013 22:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon HEY,,, I remember when they had Child Protective Services when I was a kid... And her name was Grandma... Love you Gram !
←Rate | 05-24-2012 12:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I die in my sleep, my programmable coffee-maker is still going to make a full pot in the morning.... Someone will appreciate that.
←Rate | 03-30-2012 21:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey,, adorable couples who constantly profess your love for each other via my news feed,,, learn how to text.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 06:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guess what YouTube,,, I will ALWAYS,, “Skip this ad.”
←Rate | 02-28-2012 11:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
←Rate | 04-06-2012 20:44 by snotty Comments (3)  


   messageicon My ceiling fan has three settings: -- very slow -- Medium ,, and --I'm about to fly off the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident
←Rate | 04-28-2012 19:40 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm perfecting a new perfume called "Forever Alone".... It smells like Lean Cuisines and cats.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 18:29 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen, I'm sorry... That reaction was WAY over the line.... I actually have no problem with the horse you rode in on....
←Rate | 07-07-2012 20:20 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation,, even if I'm not sure what it means
←Rate | 07-17-2012 07:42 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Starting to think this 30 minute documentary about the amazing Shark vacuum cleaner might be a commercial.
←Rate | 03-27-2014 08:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog's pre-puke warning grunts.
←Rate | 04-29-2014 16:46 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you open your heart to someone, there is blood...... LOTS and LOTS of blood... And then you die. So don't open your heart.
←Rate | 06-12-2012 19:52 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought we were gonna buy Mexico, Then fix it up & flip it... What ever happened with that?
←Rate | 07-01-2012 20:31 by snotty Comments (0)  



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