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My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle. 
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up.
If you judge a book by it's cover, you are likely going to miss out on a great story!
I hope that James Earl Jones will be narrating the rapture.....
Wow, Paul McCartney got married again?! Really seems like this relationship has legs.
I'm wondering how many calories my dog burns carrying each mouthful of her dog food all the way from the kitchen into the living room to eat it, then going back to the kitchen to get more. Maybe I should do that.
The U.S. is moving closer and closer to defaulting on our debt... maybe we should ask Citibank, Bank of America and GM to bail us out...
21 Minutes of battery life left. "That's enough time for me to finish what I am doing" 6 Minutes Later: Laptop Shuts Down "You piece of sh*t! You lied to me!"
MTV is 30 today, which is the same age the '16 And Pregnant' girls will be when they first become grandmothers.
My Born Again Christian friend with the Porsche is wondering why I've been following him around all morning........
I don't LOL as much as I lead people to believe I do...
Two wrongs may not make a right, but damn, sometimes it sure puts a smile on my face!
spring cleaning time. while your at it get rid of those people who are only bringin you down and taking up space in your life.
Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.
I don't speak in tongues, but I kiss that way.
Britain: The only nation that runs more efficiently through a world war than through a snow storm.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
relieved that even tho 230,000 government workers couldn't make it past the blizzard to work in DC this week, the country has somehow managed to continue as if nothing happened.
just because I rock doesnt mean I'm made of stone 