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Sitting on the plane. Stewardess said pilot passed out can somebody fly the plane? Took me almost 10 hours just to get it off the runway.
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04-10-2013 06:33 by
flinnie
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Old movies make train travel look so romantic, but who in this day and age has time to solve a murder mystery?
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04-06-2013 08:09 by
flinnie
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When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend. No one could imagine why he was my friend.
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04-04-2013 06:14 by
flinnie
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I used to get scared when I worked nights as a security guard so I carried a security blanket.
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04-04-2013 06:13 by
flinnie
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FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't" is not really a good defense in court
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04-04-2013 06:12 by
flinnie
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A watched pot never boils, but an un-watched pot boils over, so I don't know what you want from me life!
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04-02-2013 06:11 by
flinnie
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April fool's day idea: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says "Now voice activated!" Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
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04-01-2013 06:20 by
flinnie
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Ford F-150 commercials make it seem as if hauling loads of crumbled boulders over mountainous terrain is a commonly-practiced thing.
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03-27-2013 06:21 by
flinnie
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I used to work for a psychic, and when I quit I didn't have to give two weeks notice.
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03-26-2013 06:35 by
flinnie
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I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
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03-23-2013 05:54 by
flinnie
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My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
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03-18-2013 06:09 by
flinnie
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Do you think St. Patrick is looking down from heaven thinking, "What are they doing? I hated beer and the color green."
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03-17-2013 07:17 by
flinnie
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I hate when people text me "what are you doing?" at 1:00 pm on a weekday. Well I don't have your Art History degree, so probably "working".
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03-16-2013 08:26 by
flinnie
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Shoutout to God for not giving wings to snakes.
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03-12-2013 06:25 by
flinnie
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When the interviewer asks "Why do you want to work here?" don't answer "you'll find out!" and laugh maniacally
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03-09-2013 09:17 by
flinnie
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It's a shame that people who start a sentence with, "I know it's none of my business," never leave it at that.
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03-09-2013 08:46 by
flinnie
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Fun thing to do #78 When you order a Coke and the waiter asks, "Is Pepsi okay?" shout "WHAT AM I, AN ANIMAL?"
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03-07-2013 06:22 by
flinnie
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The people that cheer and high five after their family member gives a dumb answer on Family Feud are better people than me
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03-06-2013 07:39 by
flinnie
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FACT: With the exact same amount of $ the government spends to buy the Army an attack helicopter they could buy ME an attack helicopter
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03-06-2013 07:11 by
flinnie
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Go to the train station and make eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it it while yelling "I LOVE YOU!"
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03-06-2013 07:08 by
flinnie
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