joser Funny Status Messages

   Why is it that everyone is either trying to preserve or disprove who they were in highschool? We were all a bunch of midget dipsh*ts making minimum wage covered in pimples

   I am used but in good condition

   I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot

   Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

   Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

   Weird... I just found a haystack on top of this needle...

   I hate to sound so skeptical but I'm starting to think that The Office isn't a real documentary.

   Even if your life was a total waste of space, there's always hope that you'll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.

   I know I looked like a complete idiot on that wedding video but the camera adds 10 drinks.

   Got carded for a box of Nicorette. I guess they don't want you to quit using tobacco until you're over 18...

   It's Cinco de Mayo! Or, as they call it in Arizona, "May fifth let me see your papers."

   Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.

   Welcome To Sh*t Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!

   It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

   Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off...

   I've created a Facebook group called "Threesome" and invited two girls. Now just waiting and see what happens..

   Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

   Seis De Mayo, Spanish for, Hungover...

   My pants are on the no-fly list.

   Just because we have the same last name doesn't mean we have to be Facebook friends, Grandpa...