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So, the woman who injected her 8 year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants, lost custody. Sources close to the little girl say she wasn't surprised by the news. Or maybe she was. It's hard to tell. 
Thinking about free healthcare and how much it's going to cost me?
dated a blind girl once. Her name was ::. :.. .:. ::: :.
While thinking of revenge two sayings came to mind: " revenge is a dish best served cold" and "revenge is sweet". I came to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.
hates when people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?
The worst part about banging a chinese women is half hour later you want to bang another ..
Today I watched a bee land on my arm. I let it sting me while I just stared at it and said, "Is it in yet?" just to make it feel insecure.
How can the largest group seeking tolerance be the most intolerant.............?
You know you are in the ‘hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
I can't believe so many "singles in your area are dying to meet" me. It's probably all of the I-pads I've won.
Always pick the girl smoking ultra-light cigarettes... it means she's used to sucking a little harder to get what she wants.
Banana peel. Coffee grains. Pizza crust. Beer bottles. Empty cans. Paper plates. Bill envelopes. Don't mind me everyone. I'm just talking trash...
You looked good until your 30 day trial of Adobe Photoshop expired
When my wife is sleeping I open her handbag, take out my balls, pat them & whisper "I know guys I miss you too" then put them back quietly.
My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes...
✔ Saddam Hussein ✔ Osama Bin Ladden ✔ Moammar Gadhafi ✔Kim Jong IL ❒ Fidel Castro ❒ Hugo Chavez - Not a good year for my Fantasy Dictator League...
Spongebob is Definetly Asian! he's Yellow! he knows Karate and he cant drive.
Today, my mother commented "loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes.
Sometimes, we waste too much time to think about someone who doesn't even think about us for a second.
Twilight did to vampires what Brokeback Mountain did to cowboys. 