Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon The universe is 14 billion years old. It seems silly to celebrate one year... Be like having a parade every time I take a piss.
←Rate | 12-28-2010 18:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff.
←Rate | 02-01-2011 15:31 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adorable when people think that I’d care enough to hate them.
←Rate | 01-20-2013 19:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think my lunchbox looks a lot like a 12 pack, you're right... except there's only 4 left now! :)
←Rate | 07-19-2012 16:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sure what I hate most about rain. The fact that it's cold, it's wet, or it instantly turns everyone else on the road but you into a bad driver.
←Rate | 03-01-2013 14:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
←Rate | 03-20-2013 22:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Friday ever came up missing... than more than likely Monday had something to do with it!
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Believe me, I have been trying really hard to pay attention to what you have to say, but somehow, not giving a sh*t always gets in the way.
←Rate | 04-03-2012 14:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ran out of toilet paper... So I looked around for a suitable replacement. Found a box of Kleenex. Should've examined the box a little closer as it had an added bonus of Vicks Vapor Rub. Now the butt is icy hot. :/
←Rate | 04-09-2012 21:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since Facebook came into my life I have completely neglected MySpace. This must be what parents feel like when they have a second child.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says "I'll think about it," they're just trying to get you to stop talking. Also, the answer is "no."
←Rate | 11-21-2010 08:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may be a 32 year OLD man with a slight belly in just a dirty white T-shirt and Hanes boxer briefs, but when I'm on my patio having a smoke I pose like I'm in Calvin Klein Photo Shoot.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 10:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're easily offended, you'll want to skip over the post below... Actually, just skip all of mine. I don't want DoucheBags reading them anyway.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It hurts me to see your "I'm in a relationship" status on Facebook.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 15:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking of removing all the keys off my friend's keyboard and replacing them in a random order.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 08:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will?!? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite."
←Rate | 12-28-2010 18:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Timex and Tampax should get together and invent something to let guys know its her time of the month.
←Rate | 06-05-2012 14:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adam's first words to Eve: "Stand back, I don`t know how big this thing gets!"
←Rate | 04-14-2010 13:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone know of a way to "block" themselves? I'm tired of reading the sh*t that I post.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 17:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can only hope that someday I have the self esteem of the 300 pound guy wearing spandex that just came in.
←Rate | 08-12-2011 17:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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