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Everybody in Chicago is moaning about the snow. Um it is winter and it is Chicago, what dou you expect? Sunshine and lollipops? 
There's no more difficult transition than Sunday to Monday...
its better to loved and lost then to live with the psycho for the rest of your life.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
has been asked to change his status regarding SATC2. Apparently PETA didn't take too well at me comparing Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie to a horse. It was harsh on horses worldwide..... I am sorry......
Mel Gibson, Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen walk into a bar. I don't know what the punchline is, but I'm pretty sure the cops are showing up.
Tired of everyone taunting and cursing you? Do you feel, no one cares about you anymore? Pressure at work? Feel like running away from this boring life?Fly Malaysian Airlines ✈.. And GET LOST..✈
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I'm pretty sure it the refrigerator.
“Check under the hood, dumbass.” – The Clitoris
Why yes, I will be getting drunk tonight! Thanks for asking!
Apparently my girlfriend has no problem putting my d*ck in her mouth but she won't let me touch her if I don't wash my hands right after I pee coz that's disgusting.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
This just isn't my day... It could be raining t*tties and I'd get hit in the head with a d*ck...
Prediction: in 40 years medicare will cover tattoo removal.
If I really lived every day like it's my last, I would have diabetes and multiple STD's.
Don't be judgmental. We're all screwed up.
Glow in the dark condoms. Now you see it, now you don't! Now you see it, now you don't! Now you see it, now you don't! ...
Just put on 12 Nickelback songs and walked out of the bar
The three phases of love: 1. XOXO 2. XXX 2. EX
If Gillette made toilet paper, we'd be up to 4 or 5 plys by now. 