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A good Scotch should taste like how a haunted 17th century wardrobe smells.
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09-16-2020 08:12
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I’m the guy in charge of making the room smell nasty in the Glade commercials.
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09-16-2020 08:15
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If it could be arranged, I would like to die by being waterboarded by a soft serve ice cream machine.
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09-16-2020 08:30
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The world has indeed changed, I saw two guys put masks on to take a bag of money into a bank.
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09-22-2020 21:02
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A pasta maker is just a Play-doh toy for adults.
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09-28-2020 09:35
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We haven’t seen the full damage this epidemic will cause, that will happen in about five to seven months with all of the gender reveal parties.
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09-30-2020 15:48
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can you believe that 6 months ago we just let random people breathe on us
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10-01-2020 07:58
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Got a rash on my face in the shape of a roadrunner. I think I might have acme.
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10-05-2020 09:43
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Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night.
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10-06-2020 08:55
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No good deed goes unposted on social media.
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10-09-2020 15:11
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Be the reason why your local woods are haunted
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10-13-2020 08:47
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My dad and I went to a restaurant and the waiter pointed at the QR code on the wall and said “thats our menu” and left and my dad looked at it really close and said “Is this some kind of joke”
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10-19-2020 15:10
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It's important to look closely at all the campaign signs. Last election I voted for a real estate agent.
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10-23-2020 18:00
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I take my ibuprofen wrapped in cheese cause why should my dog have all the fun?
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10-28-2020 07:49
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If you drop a cookie on the floor and bend down to pick it up does that count as a squat?
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10-28-2020 12:54 by
moon
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Telling people "Don't go out and by up all the toilet paper" will cause people to go out and by up all the toilet paper.
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11-19-2020 08:58
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Christmas decorations should come with coupons for couples counseling.
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12-01-2020 15:47
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I had to send a small item back to Amazon, so I put it in a refrigerator sized box and sent it on its way
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12-10-2020 12:35
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This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home.
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12-28-2020 10:14
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You ever get a friend request and be like, “Nah, you look like you steal copper”
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02-01-2021 06:21
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