Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   "Be honest with me" means "lie convincingly".

   "You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry. You're right I'm sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.

   Life takes you where you are meant to be. Apparently I am meant to be poor with a ton of education and experience.

   Well, if you're going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.

   When a woman says "the girls" I automatically assume she is talking about her boobs, not her actual friends.

   What a beautiful world it would be if only boobs were the answer to all the world's problems.

   Lots of woman stay in relationships just to have somebody around to kill spiders and open jars.

   If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while!

   Whenever I get angry, I calm myself down by repeating these 5 words over and over again, “Bartender, Give Me A Double”

   If "Bieber fever" is when a Justin Bieber song comes on the radio and you start throwing up and stabbing yourself in he ear, then yes I have had Bieber fever before.

   Snoring is just God's way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.

   In group discussions, chicks with big boobs always seem to say the right things.

   America has got to be the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer.

   Twilight did to vampires what Brokeback Mountain did to cowboys.

   Do some people just wake up one day and think, "I already have 2 bumper stickers, why not 70?"

   When Kanye and Kim finally break up - does that automatically put her back on the Black market? Asking for Lil Wayne.

   Two Facebook addicts walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says.... ...nothing

   I often send texts to random numbers that say. "Guess whose restraining order's expired!?" Eventually I'm bound to get a hysterical reply.

   Being too nice to people will make them take advantage of you. Being disrespectful will make them loath you. Not getting to know them in the first place will spare you both.

   I hope I can kill my feelings before my liver.