snotty Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon PRO TIP: Lose friends the quick and easy way by sending group texts.
←Rate | 04-09-2015 17:17 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm the only person in this Family Dollar without a neck tattoo....... Wait, a 7yo just walked by,, Yep, still the only one.
←Rate | 10-10-2013 17:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank.... I have no words right now to describe how angry I am
←Rate | 02-10-2013 14:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Its not you,, Its me."--- Twins going through a photo album
←Rate | 06-22-2013 22:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have NO idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
←Rate | 07-13-2012 05:58 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey,,,You knew what you were getting into when you friended me...
←Rate | 05-04-2012 17:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think a UPS truck, is like the adult version of an ice cream truck.
←Rate | 06-06-2015 13:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always so funny when the terrorists realize the 72 virgins are actually IT guys.
←Rate | 06-17-2015 18:03 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hi you've reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn't be done over text
←Rate | 06-17-2015 19:54 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least once a year, we should all be allowed to go to Microsoft headquarters and reboot all of their PCs without giving them notice.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 22:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what's really great about being a narcissist? Me.
←Rate | 07-01-2012 20:28 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wish me luck... I'm off to contest library fines, on the grounds that I'm an "exceedingly slow" reader.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 17:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sit for 5 minutes laughing at my own tweet.. Then read it to my wife who looks at me in confusion...
←Rate | 04-05-2012 18:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazing the things you say you’ll never do again when your head is lying next to a toilet
←Rate | 08-15-2013 19:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm playing Nickelback at your funeral to make sure you're really dead and not faking it
←Rate | 06-13-2013 07:09 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Just watched guy put a wheel barrow in his shopping cart at the Home Depot.... *I'm just going to let that sit here and sink in.*
←Rate | 11-10-2013 17:45 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of my greatest joys is watching a kid bite into a salt n' vinegar chip for the very first time.
←Rate | 03-17-2014 08:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Life Coach just explained to me that I've been in the placebo group.
←Rate | 05-02-2016 07:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bought a water at the airport and now one of my kids can't go to college.
←Rate | 05-02-2016 19:23 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's weird how many of my ancestors were sepia-toned.
←Rate | 01-25-2014 11:04 by snotty Comments (0)  



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