Baddie Funny Status Messages

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Page: 11 of 15

   messageicon Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 13:18 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your coffee order has more instructions than an ikea bunk bed then you're probably an a$$hole.
←Rate | 06-09-2013 13:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone ever tried to lead Sarah Jessica Parker to water?
←Rate | 03-21-2012 10:46 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
←Rate | 06-07-2014 13:28 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy. Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.
←Rate | 11-04-2012 09:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So...41 guys...that's the limit.
←Rate | 09-29-2013 13:03 by Baddie Comments (2)  


   messageicon 4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot to reduce their fractions.
←Rate | 04-20-2012 16:18 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all the mothers: Happy Mother's Day. Don't let it go to your head. You are a working double tomorrow.
←Rate | 05-13-2012 12:12 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching a program about apes trying to make it in the real world. Wait no, it's "Keeping up with the Kardashians".
←Rate | 05-03-2013 09:04 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you're doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
←Rate | 12-03-2014 00:20 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
←Rate | 01-29-2012 14:47 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don't run into anyone you know
←Rate | 09-02-2014 13:33 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have a baby hold your cigarette for a minute and everybody loses their sh*t!
←Rate | 05-10-2014 10:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I show people I love them by not spending time with them. It’s the best thing I can offer.
←Rate | 12-26-2013 12:41 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part of the bible is the part where that old guy is like "We're gonna need a bigger boat"
←Rate | 01-23-2014 11:54 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anderson Cooper must have seen 'Magic Mike' this weekend.
←Rate | 07-02-2012 14:09 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently I offended a midget with one of my jokes. I told him to grow up.
←Rate | 05-26-2012 14:40 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't believe death is the end. In my heart I know that, long after I'm gone, I will continue to receive Hot Summer Deal!!! emails.
←Rate | 09-16-2014 14:40 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My coffee was so bitter this morning you'd think I had divorced it.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 14:26 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'd think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
←Rate | 12-13-2013 00:44 by Baddie Comments (2)  



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