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The phrase “A stone’s throw” has been discontinued. Please use “In Wifi range” from now on.
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06-11-2019 06:44
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I always regret making a good first impression. Because there's no way I can keep that up for long.
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09-27-2019 22:35 by
Gripenfelter
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Want more people to leave you alone? Announce bid for political office. Walk like Frankenstein if necessary.
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12-08-2017 13:13
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Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that.
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02-17-2018 09:14
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Most people say they are in favor of free speech until you say something they don't like
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02-23-2018 15:33
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I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.
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03-14-2018 07:30 by
MDS
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if the Earth is flat, then my belly is too.
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03-21-2018 16:24
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I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
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04-09-2018 11:27
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Thinking of putting a Coronavirus Quarantine sign on my door to discourage solicitors.
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03-03-2020 18:06 by
Stinkerbelle
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Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.
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04-27-2020 15:31
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I am not usually one to brag, but I was able to get my daily recommended calorie intake for weight loss down in just one sitting!
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04-25-2017 15:38 by
John Y
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After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it's worth.
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06-22-2017 14:14
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OK. Who decided to call it "marijuana possession" and not "joint custody"?
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09-22-2017 07:21
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Employee: I got to have salary increase. Three other companies are after me. Boss: Really? Which are the three companies? Employee: The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company.
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04-22-2012 17:12 by
XX-FOXY
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I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
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12-20-2017 05:44
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Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.
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12-01-2017 18:34
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I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
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09-14-2021 02:47
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Remember: Every single frozen corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy, my friends.
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08-31-2018 09:52
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Pro tip: Use Shazam in your Uber to blow your drivers mind with your knowledge of their obscure immigrant music.
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11-21-2017 13:09 by
AkeelyMac
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A 2018 Harris Poll said Taco Bell was voted the best Mexican Restaurant in the U.S. This, Folks, is why we have the Electoral College.
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08-31-2019 20:17
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