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This day is going so well..ill give it 10/10/10! 
Nothing says your celebrating the birth of are Nation, like the smell of Gunpowder and Beer..
In the past, people got fired putting that they hate their job on facebook. well I HATE MY JOB! I HATE MY JOB! --hope this works for me.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
When you really want to slap someone, do it and say "mosquito."
there's a difference between smelling good and smelling like you marinated yourself in perfume.
Experts say caffeine is bad for you, fat is bad you, sugar is bad for you… But don't worry, because that's bad for you too.
Bring Your Child To Work Day; must be awkward for prostitutes.
Ok Florida, we see your hurricane and raise you an earthquake
I predict the end of the world will happpen when nobody foresees it.
Does anyone else look at Gadhafi and think of Carlos Santana?
After a very thorough, 25 year investigation, charges have officially been filed against "video" for her part in the killing of the radio star.....
If there are ice cream vans in the summer, why cant we have Starbucks vans in the winter?
You know it's cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
I bet cannibals were really disappointed by elbow macaroni.
If you're always organizing things, you have OCD. If you're always eating things, you have OBCD.
I guess it time to test my theory that Vodka (being alcohol) should kill the flu virus.......
all men are born with their very own personal Shake Weight.
Apparently, saying "grande" in a non-Starbucks coffee shop is like shouting the wrong name during sex.
Breaking News from an awesome friend!: The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On and crashed into We All Have Problems before coming to a complete stop at Get Over It. Reporting LIVE from Quitchur Yapping, USA. :P
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