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I get the same feeling at the dentist that I get when a cop car is behind me; I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel incredibly guilty. 
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Maybe we should let Sandusky loose on Congress
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
Chris Brown has recently entered Rehab for anger management issues. I for one have faith in Chris. He has never faced anything that he couldn’t beat.
Happy Halloween... may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong! ;-)
Rob ford is the real life Mayor Quimby.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
"His heart wasn't the only thing that was 2 sizes too small." .............. * Mrs. Grinch
Just got an Oscar nomination for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
Comcast complains to the better business bureau....isn't it ironic....don't ya think?
I don't get it. I've been thinking a lot about eating less and exercising more, yet somehow I still gain weight.
There's a ninja knocking at my front door,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, He must be new at this..
Actually, I can believe it's not butter...
I had to complain to my neighbor again about her sunbathing while I am NOT at home
I just figured out what it is I say to people to get them to tell me their innermost, messed-up thoughts: "Hi."
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
That moment when you get a sweet text & you just sit there smiling at your screen like a weirdo.
Everything seems louder when you're trying not to wake your parents
The drinking will continue until the economy improves 