Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Somewhere out there, someone's grandma's recipe for dill bread reads "... allow dill dough to rise".

   Life was so much easier before security cameras

   I don't see anything wrong with walking around my house naked. My neighbors however, keep yelling at me to go back inside. HATERS!!!

   If "graphic pictures" will be required on cigarette packs, then I want to see graphic pics of ugly babies on condoms and ugly chicks WITHOUT goggles on beer bottles.

   Ladies, it's not that there are no good men out there. It's just that you turned down 6 of em that wanted a chance to treat you right and chose the a$$hole.

   You all drink too much, you cuss too much, and you all have very questionable morals... Everything I ever wanted in a friend!

   Have you ever noticed that all of the hot girl's profiles on facebook are private and all of the ugly girl's profiles on facebook are public?

   Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "WTF! You too? I thought I was the only one."

   I hate it when celebrities get on TV and tell us to donate to some fund… B!tch, you make 12 million a movie & I make $12/hr. You send money.

   Women like a man with confidence. Because without that, what's to destroy?

   Lifetime, television for women. Yet for some reason women are always getting beaten on that channel.

   Earth is full. Go home.

   realized my third grade teacher lied to me... I never use cursive...

   Sitting at my daughter's pretend restaurant.... The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.

   To all the girls that say Gentlemen don't exist anymore: They do exist but Gentlemen are attracted to Ladies. Not s?uts. Sorry.

   Jared began and ended his career trying to get into smaller pants

   How could there have been 60 shootings and 11 people killed in Chicago over the July 4th weekend when guns are not allowed there?

   "the greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source." – George Washington

   How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? LOL don't be funny, feminists can't change anything.

   It;s so cold outside that by the time I walked back to the car, the footlong I got at Subway shrunk to a 6 inch.