Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My friend told me, "Smart men make great husbands!" Being the guy I am, I had to correct her, so I said "smart men don't get married"

   People change its a part of life, but sometimes its easier to hold on to the memories of who they were... rather then to realize who they have become...

   Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods.

   I hope Lebron James joins Habitat for Humanity in the off-season... His brick-laying skill will come in handy!

   When my phone rings while I am am holding it in my hands, I feel like they can see me ignoring their call.

   No LinkedIn, I do not want to display my Twitter on my profile. I would actually like to keep my chances of getting a job above zero.

   The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.

   so for my ice bucket challenge I would like to nominate fumanya mutamba from northern africa. you have 24 hours or pay 100 dollars.

   Oh you think you have it bad? In my day you didn't see the other persons genitals until after you actually met them.

   They say whoever smelt it dealt it, so technically this weed is yours officer

   Nike is starting to bug me. I've seen the video's of how hard the kids in the sweat shop work. So why does it take ten days to get my shirts in the mail.

   If you're using a shopping cart at the liquor store I'm going to hit on you

   Don't worry Kanye, Stephen Hawking sings with autotune too.

   Trying to explain to my yoga teacher that I can't just "get rid of" this erection.

   If you watch Friday the 13th backwards, Jason's machete is a magic wand that brings kids back to life and sends them to summer camp...

   I had an epiphany, but I forgot it while I was trying to spell epiphany.

   It's all fun and games until they let the police dog loose..

   I bet "Game of War" would do better if they'd just spend a few bucks on advertising.

   I'm sure they'll recap the first round of this season of "Riots" on your local news channel in case you missed its premier.

   When a girl tells a guy he looks nice today, he thanks her. When a guy tells a girl she looks nice today, she goes home and throws away the outfit she wore yesterday.