Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My friend just introduced me to a Money Making Scheme that guarantees a 100% payout. It's called a job.

   True love is never having to say "How was I ?"

   Why are they called "Starving Artists" instead of "Untalented Hippies"?

   Dogs may have an incredible sense of smell, but they have a terrible sense of whether that smell is good or bad.

   Helpful hint of my day... Pizza Rolls are the equivelant of molten lava even five minutes after removing from oven... fmt

   This afternoon after work, I plan to take my talents down to the bar

   Ever been in such a hurry you try getting out of your car with your seatbelt still on? It wasn't just me right?

   For decades now, Mario has been collecting coins. He does nothing with that money. Buy the princess a bodyguard or something.

   I heard there was a perfect woman at every corner of the world....Unfortunately, the world is ROUND!!!!

   I've gotten 3 group and 4 page invitations from you and we've been Facebook friends for 15 minutes. You are not off to a good start.

   made my car into a hybrid by siphoning gas out of your tank.

   Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

   Statistics show that kids between the ages of 2 and 8 believe that Sponge Bob Square Pants is actually a cheese....

   wants you to know that if a jelly fish ever stung you, i'd pee on you!

   saving money on her cable by switching to facebook. They have sports statuses, drama statuses, Hollywood gossip statuses and current event statuses. Switch now and get calander statuses for free, you"ll never have to wonder what day it is again.

   Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die...

   You ever wonder what the person on the other side of the mirror is wondering about you?

   became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.

   Things happen for a reason... so when I reach over and smack you upside the head just remember..you gave me a reason!!!

   Heidi and Spencer have decided to change their names to something more native american WTF? She chose white wolf, he chose running bear. What?" was "Plastic Robot" and "mighty douche" already taken?