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08-01-2010 11:48 by lemonpillow
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..is wondering what would happen if she went to her supermarket, opened a can of tomato juice on to the floor and yelled "CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE THE TAMPONS ARE?! I NEED SOME ASAP!"
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08-01-2010 07:35 by lemonpillow
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I rear-ended a car this morning. Slowly the other driver got out of his car. And he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you,then?"
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07-28-2010 14:09 by lemonpillow
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I met a girl in a pub last night.We ended up going back to hers.After a few more drinks, we started kissing & having a bit of foreplay on the sofa.She looked at me and said, "Let's take this upstairs."I said,"Okay you grab one end and I'll grab the other.
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07-27-2010 13:19 by lemonpillow
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Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films."Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."
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07-25-2010 10:22 by lemonpillow
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Now that the well is capped, legal experts say criminal charges are likely to be filed over the Gulf oil spill. This means a BP executive could wind up in jail. Prison can be rough so I've got three words of advice: British. Petroleum. Jelly.
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07-24-2010 05:55 by lemonpillow
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I hope the trend of businesses placing hand sanitizers everywhere soon extends to ATMs.Imagine what germs the slobs who use my ATM are carrying,considering they can't even bother to either take their receipts or throw them in a garbage can 6 inches away