Master Weeg Funny Status Messages

   I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking then you, and standing next to her you look ugly.

   Guy in office: "My computer just went down on me!" Lady in next office: "Which button did you press to get that???"

   Anyone who says onions are the only vegetable that can make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.

   I met with my new girlfriends father for the first time yesterday. The first thing I said to him was, "Sir, you and me have something in common.." "What's that son?" I replied "Your daughter calls us both Daddy"

   It's funny how people that seems to know everything are always the unhappiest.

   What to tell a girl before a one night stand - "If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.."

   My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.

   You don't have to be good to succeed. You just gotta be the least Crappy option. Example: We're eating at The Olive Garden.

   When I'm using Facebook mobile I always tag myself in my bed with 2 randcom chicks on my friends list.

   Children are often spoiled because no one will spank Grandma.

   I wish some people could just look at there own true colors of there character and see what an ugly picture they are painting with it.

   When something bad happens you have 3 choices, You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

   You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the a**hole you worry about, it's how much crap comes out of it.

   My girlfriend is currently trying to understand my desire to unicycle. She accepted my ukulele playing, but this is apparently too far!

   Hey girl look at you with all those curves, and me with no brakes.

   When life gives you lemons make lemonade....Then find someone who's life is giving them vodka then have a party.