Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Self employed = prostitute, drug dealer
←Rate | 04-25-2018 04:56 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 19:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife says I only have two faults. #1. I don't pay enough attention to her. #2. And something else.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 19:04 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the toothbrush was invented in England. If it was invented anywhere else it would be called the teethbrush.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 18:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's cooking is so bad, we pray after the meal.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 18:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do ugly strippers charge as much as the pretty ones?
←Rate | 04-24-2018 18:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys we're having "Little Seizures" tonight!
←Rate | 04-24-2018 11:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just purchased the Barbie doll Collector's Edition. Comes complete with a pre-nup and all of Ken's stuff!
←Rate | 04-23-2018 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of southern states are celebrating Confederate Memorial day today(4/23) even though the official date is April 26. Confederate Memorial Day is a legal holiday observe in the southern states.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 15:58 Comments (5)  


   messageicon One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never judge a clown until you've walked a mile in his shoes!
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Forgive me, for I have sinned. Same time tomorrow?
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon does anyone remember when lol meant “laughing out loud” instead of “this is to indicate that this brief text isnt hostile”
←Rate | 04-23-2018 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my defense, my wife's text asking me to "drop a load in the washing machine" was confusing.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon giving the recent plane accident, I bet now Mitt Romney realizes why the plane windows stay closed
←Rate | 04-23-2018 06:54 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Viagra is like Disney land, the both make you wait a hour for a three minute ride.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do woman and police cars have in common? The both make a lot of noise when they are coming.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silence is your best responce when talking to an idiot
←Rate | 04-23-2018 03:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so ugly, when I play Mortal Combat, Scorpion tells me "Stay Over There!".
←Rate | 04-23-2018 01:41 by ClarkKent Comments (3)  


   messageicon "I stubbed my toe today. I'm not ready to share photos yet but I will keep you guys updated daily." - probably Carrie Underwood
←Rate | 04-23-2018 01:03 Comments (0)  


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