Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
«Previous
1
Page: 1 of 5305

   messageicon There's 3 men, Jake, Joe, and John. Jake weighs half of what Joe weighs. John weighs three time what Jakes weighs. All together they weigh 720 pounds. How much does each man weigh ?
←Rate | 11-19-2018 14:25 by Brain.teaser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. You should worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. :-)
←Rate | 11-19-2018 14:13 by Pilgrim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care what anyone says. Being president HAS TO requires adult behavior. You are supposed to be the ultimate role model. Any other behavior than that is just plain WRONG WRONG WRONG!
←Rate | 11-19-2018 12:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I took my introverted turtle to an orgy and he immediately started coming out of his shell
←Rate | 11-19-2018 12:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing in all the world more dangerous than an idiot who thinks he's a genius .
←Rate | 11-19-2018 11:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the first day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...A 100 foot wall! On the second day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...2 caravans sent back & A 100 foot wall!
←Rate | 11-19-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blame Canada! Blame Canada! For their lumber is flammable!
←Rate | 11-19-2018 11:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember Satan worshipers, he got his a$$ kicked by some Georgia redneck...
←Rate | 11-19-2018 11:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lets all say a prayer for Bill Clinton after watching the Monica interview his holidays will suck
←Rate | 11-19-2018 10:44 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Only you can prevent forest fires and rake every forest in the US. Hahahaha!
←Rate | 11-18-2018 18:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Uber and Lyft are combining. They are now called LubeHer
←Rate | 11-18-2018 18:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys, the best time to sit down for Thanksgiving dinner is half time. Happy Thanksgiving. :-)
←Rate | 11-18-2018 15:02 by Pilgrim Comments (8)  


   messageicon Don't forget to set your bathroom scale back 15 pounds before eating your Thanksgiving dinner. Happy Thanksgiving :-)
←Rate | 11-18-2018 14:49 by Pilgrim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a wonderful drive last night with my super model girlfriend as the wind blew through her hair doing 125mph in my Lamborghini convertible on the way to my Monte Carlo Villa until the garbage truck outside woke me up.
←Rate | 11-18-2018 13:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t have any nudes but can I interest you in a picture of me elbows deep in a bucket of fried chicken?
←Rate | 11-18-2018 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You have a barrel of beer. And you need to measure out just one gallon. How do you do this if you only have a 3 gallon and a 5 gallon container ?
←Rate | 11-18-2018 10:13 by Brain.teaser Comments (1)  


   messageicon I wonder where Noah kept the termites on the ark.
←Rate | 11-18-2018 02:25 Comments (4)  


   messageicon . Two little boys Tyrone and Leroy who are friends are arguing on the play ground. Tyrone said my daddy can beat up your daddy. Leroy said no he can't, your daddy is my daddy too.
←Rate | 11-17-2018 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon NASCAR would be more fun to watch if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
←Rate | 11-17-2018 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Builds elaborate structures while playing Fortnite. Can't make own bed in real life.
←Rate | 11-16-2018 21:00 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


«Previous
1

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left