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Saw a sign in the bus station today, it said ‘One bus takes 35 cars off the road’ personally I think it depends how aggressive the driver is… 
When I was a teenager, there was only one phone app. It was called the "dial tone."
If you don't know who George Soros is, or who Saul Alinsky was and what Cloward-Piven means, Do America a favor and either educate yourself or DO NOT Vote.
I wanted a candy bar but instead I did the right thing and ate an apple, with some walnuts and caramel topping.
Saw a woman pushing her dressed up cat in a stroller. When are we going to take mental health seriously in this country?
A leaf blower is specifically designed to make your problem someone else’s.
someone stole my mood ring....and I'm just not sure how I feel about that
Before you get serious with a girl, spend some time around her and her mom. You need to observe the future crazy before moving too fast.
People who say "only God can judge me" don't know how Twitter trolls work.
"Are you excited about Halloween? People go out pretending to be something they're not, looking for handouts. It's like running for president."
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
Some angry woman with road rage just yelled out her car window "I'm gonna make your life a living hell!" I yelled back "Thanks, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now..."
I love snow – People who never shovel
RIP Mainstream Media.
If you have trouble remembering every mistake you've ever made, just pour your wife 3 glasses of wine.
Named my daughter after my mother in law. In fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 tomorrow
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
If you ever feel alone, just remember you can talk to the CIA using your phone or smart TV... #Vault7
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