Funny Status Messages

   Please spare me the agony of listening to your relationship problems if you always end up with the same idiot.

   Come to think of it... I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

   I see the grade schoolers are here for the long weekend with the childish "jokes"

   Worse thing about having a couple ex's in group of friends. I always have to check the attending list on Facebook events before confirming.

   Every time I found something to eat in the refrigerator, I feel like I found a treasure.

   Someone needs to tell Dominique Strauss-Kahn that in this country bankers are only allowed to screw their customers.

   It's great having a JOB that leaves me Just Over Broke.

   Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

   ending the night with green beer in a sippy cup!

   A sunset is just a beautiful way of reminding you of all the stuff you didn't get done today.

   Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.

   We are the WTF generation : Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

   Facebook requires 8 character complex password for what? The bank only wants a 4-digit number to remove all my cash.

   How's everyone holding up? It was crazy last night. I must have killed like fifteen zombies. But I still don't understand why they were all carrying bags of candy.

   French onion soup is just regular onion soup that doesn’t shave its armpits

   Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.

   Dear kids snorting rubbers don't worry,, Your parents didn't know how to use them properly either...

   Bill Gates is telling everyone what to do about the virus but he can't even stop windows from getting a virus...

   A lot of people do not realize thats the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.

   My cat would like you to know that no dragon has ever attacked me whilst sitting on the toilet. And she plans on keeping it that way.